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December Monthly Golf Newsletter - 2022

The following newsletter is sponsored by Grass Clippings. *As always, none of the below information has been fact checked or confirmed in anyway.

"Barn Burner"

1. The early use of the term was used to describe someone who, when faced with a barn infested with rats, was willing to burn down the barn in order to get rid of the rats.

2. Nowadays the term is usually used in reference to an exciting, thrilling, and high scoring sporting event.

Used in conversation:

Wyatt: "Any chance you saw Jackson at the bar last night."

Greg: "I sure did and I gotta say he's a real barn burner."

With that said, welcome to the Grass Clippings Monthly.

In this issue: 

Billy's Monthly Insights: *observations from the month of November

  1. End The Press
  2. We're Not That Young
  3. BREAKING NEWS: The Ending of a Pandemic 
  4. That Dog's a Keeper

Updates from the Shop 

  1. Shop's Open
  2. New Gear
  3. Free Money
  4. Flying Off the Shelves

Investing 101  *a Hail Mary approach 

  1. I Saved the Economy
  2. Motown
  3. Messi - Why Not?

1. A Letter to Golf: End the Press

It's a golf tradition that has been going on for decades. Maybe even centuries. You know when you're two down on the 17th tee box and you look over to your opponent and utter one word "press". It's time we put the press out to pasture. Golf I write to you with such passion because of a recent experience. See a buddy and I have never been able to beat two of our other buddies. It's no secret they're clearly better for a number of reasons. They have a combined handicap of roughly (+3) and ours on the other hand is roughly a (3.5). We don't ask for strokes. We don't ask for special treatment. Sure take our money, but we just ask for the opportunity. Well, last month we found ourselves playing in the same old match at a course east of the Mississippi. The stakes were high. $500 a head, a month detailing each-others cars when needed, and a dinner for four at any restaurant under the  Red Lobster Hospitality LLC umbrella. 
Something was different that day. We we were better from the get go. Long story short we golfed our ball. On the 17th tee box we were up two. They were dormy. We couldn't lose. Of course our playing opponent leans over and goes "we'll press". In today's world you have to accept or your manhood will be questioned. At this point doubling our bet - $1,000 a head, 2 months of detailing, and dinner for 8 - did nothing for me. I wanted to win. I wanted to walk off the course knowing we were the better men that day. But low and behold, we tie 17 and lose the 18th hole. Technically we won the original match, but our opponents laughed and smugly said, "you didn't win anything, we tied". At that point I was heart broken. Devastated. I even texted my wife "hey babe, I love you".  We collectively just played some of the best golf of our lives. We were better men that day and yet we weren't celebrated with endless bowls of clam chowder, a Venmo payment, or even a "nice playing guys". It was if we didn't even play. Right then in there I knew something needed to change. 
I'm proposing this be looked at. The days of encouraging golfers to play a bunch of grab a** for 16 holes only to press and play 2 legitimate holes is over. Fill out the petition below and join the fight. "End the Press".

2. We're Not That Young

Folks, Billy Dobson is a 33 year old male with two kids, a wife, and a mortgage. Although I tell my wife the retirement plan is for me to play on the Senior tour, I'm very aware my days of playing professional golf are well behind me. But right when you think all is lost, life has a weird way of proving you otherwise. A couple of Grass Clippings members caddied in the Charles Schwab Cup Pro-Am this past month. The pro in the pairing was a pro I'd never heard of before which is unusual as the Senior tour is typically made up of the best PGA Tour players that are all "over the hill". Not for Scott Parel though.  Scott has and continues to rewrite history. See Scott attended the University of Georgia, but didn't play college golf. In fact, he worked for 10 years as a computer programmer and database administrator after graduation. At the age of 33 with a wife, two kids, and a mortgage, Scott's wife encouraged Scott to pursue professional golf. Scott went on to play full seasons on the tour in 2003, 2005-2009, and 2012-2015 winning once while only playing in 5 PGA tour events during that span. You'd think by not being able to establish himself on the PGA Tour he'd hang up the cleats and head back to building computers. Not Scott. His wife again encouraged him to pursue the Champions Tour when he turned 50. 
Well when most people fall off the cliff when they reach the proverbially "over the hill", Scott found a little extra juice in the tank. Like a piece of beef jerky, Scott aged well. Since 2015 Scott has won 4 times on the Senior Tour and in 2018 finished 3rd in the season-long Charles Schwab cup. 
The key takeaways from Scott's story is : #1) regardless of your age and how banged up you might be. You still got a shot. #2) Scott's wife is an American Hero.  

3. BREAKING NEWS: The Ending of a Pandemic

We've been sick for awhile now. We've been coerced into thinking that a way of life was better, more efficient, and even more masculine than the other. "Run the Damn Ball" has been a phrase that has plagued many professional sports teams such as the Colts, the Bears, the Browns to name a few.  They'd like you to think it's a show of strength, but in reality it's a result of lack of talent and piss poor management. I picture the marketing department of one of these teams pitching the GM and fellow execs. "Hey, because of your inability to draft a serviceable quarterback in the past decade, we figured we market the phrase Run the Damn Ball." To which the lame duck GM agrees. 

Now the good news is changes are being made in the highest of places. On your left you can see Mac Jones from the typically buttoned up New England Patriots yelling on the sideline "Throw the bleeping ball. The run game sucks." Now if the QB is walking the sidelines of a Bill Bellichek team screaming "throw the bleeping ball" I think we're on to something. 

If you look around the NFL at playoff teams, you'll notice one thing - they have a quarterback and he can throw the ball. People act as if throwing the ball at a high clip is some new wrinkle to the game, but in fact the game hasn't changed much over the past decade. The team this year averaging the most pass attempts per game has been the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at 42.8 attempts per game. In 2013, the Cleveland Browns averaged the most pass attempts at 42.6 passes per game. Trust the science.

People are typically slow on the uptake, but we're making real strides as a society. If you happen to see someone sporting a piece of clothing saying "Run the Damn Ball", tap them on the shoulder and tell them that things are changing. As Primetime Deion Sanders said, "I'm bringing my luggage with me". 

4. That Dog's a Keeper

If you share the same affinity for greens-keeping as the Grass Clippings team, you'd probably know that the greats of the industry typically have a dog with them at all times. The way we're suppose to talk about our spouses - "my better half" - is often how these greenskeepers speak of their fury coworker. I use the word coworker because that's what they really are. 

At TPC Scottsdale, a lot of credit is given to Scott Hebert and his staff and rightfully so. The course is in pristine condition year round and they maintain the course at the highest level during the largest golf tournament in the world - The Phoenix Open. Amongst all the high fives, one thing gets lost. The true work horse of the TPC Scottsdale grounds crew ,Rye an English Springer Spaniel, has been at TPC with Scott since 2019. Like Rye, a keepers' dog typically does the dirty work. Running over 15 miles a day Rye 

patrols the lakes on property chasing off the geese and coots that wreck havoc on the grass. Rye goes toe to toe with coyotes, rattle snakes, and even people when needed. If you asked Scott, he'd say that Rye has almost died a handful of times. But that's part of the job. It's tough enough to get anyone to give greenskeepers recognition let alone their dogs. That's why the Grass Clippings team named the latest hoodie to drop the Winter Rye. To give recognition where recognition is due. The hoodie, like Rye, is built for the long haul. Cheers Rye! 



*A throw the ball investment strategy. Imaginary $10,000 is invested each month and we track the performance. "Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever." - Shane Falco. In other words, this is not financial advice.

You're welcome. I saved the US Economy. If you were following along last month, I put the entire allotment on the Philadelphia Phillies to win the world Series. As history told us anytime a Philadelphia baseball team won the World Series, it was immediately followed by a market recession, even a depression in some cases. Now you're not going to find this insight from your financial advisor who works 9-3. We risked the whole allotment on the Phillies because for one baseball is romantic as hell, but if they were to lose your 401k would most likely benefit. Well low and behold, the S&P went up over 4% last month. Again you're welcome. We knew Jerome Powell and the Fed wasn't going to save the economy. It took a throw the ball investment strategy only seen on a monthly newsletter written by a part-time writer for a local golf company. Go figure. They'll chalk it up to a strong jobs report and favorable metrics regarding inflation, but we all know what saved the US economy.  Our willingness to go all in.... To Throw the Ball.

Message from Killer the CFO:

Billy officially broke the bank in November losing all $10,000 on the Phillies failing to take down the Houston Astros in the World Series. At this point it's not entirely clear where Billy's money is coming from, and it's hard to believe there's not something illegal going on here. It seems like a matter of time before I'm contacted by the IRS, and my lips will be sealed. At this point i'm sinking with the captain of the ship.

Billy's picking up where he left off in November with some heavy action on NFL football. We've got $5,000 on the Detroit Lions money line over the Vikings (-115). Billy's a big Hard knocks and Dan Campbell fan, my only concern here is he's betting with his heart. Up next is something I've never heard of before, $5,000 on The Argentine Football Association Fan Token (ARG). After 30 minutes of some intense google research, it's still not clear at all WTF this is. 

December Allocation

1.  Detroit Lions moneyline vs Minnesota Vikings (-115)- ($5,000)

There's something brewing in "Motown". Los Angeles kicked Jared Goff to the curb in classic LA fashion. Dubbed him unfit to win a Super Bowl and relocated him where careers go to die. Well folks, Jared Goff, Dan Campbell, and the Detroit Lions are on a war path. They're 5-7 and trending into the most important month of the year. Next up on their schedule is the division leading Minnesota Vikings who are an unprecedented 9-0 in 1 score games this year. The Vikings magic runs out against a team of destiny. We take half the stack this month and take the Lions to win outright. 

2.  Purchase of 1,628 Argentine Football Association Fan Tokens (ARG cryptocurrency) - ($5,000)

To be completely honest, I have no idea what the purpose is behind this cryptocurrency. It's described as a fan appreciation token for the Argentina Football (Soccer) team. I don't think it offers any real utility, but one things for sure the token trades relative to the team's performance. When Argentina lost to Saudi Arabia in pool play, the token tanked by 32%. Trading over $7 a token before the game it now trades at $3.07. Since the loss, the Argentinians have been hotter than a blister bug in a pepper patch and the token hasn't bounced back. They are now in the knockout stage and won their first round matchup against Austria. They have a good shot at winning the whole tournament and if they do I suspect the token will outperform any other investment on the open market. We take a flyer here.  Track Here 

Let's have ourselves a hell of a month SG Fam! 

-Billy Dobson

Stay Grassy

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